2. Don’t mention God the Father, the Son, or the Holy Spirit. Assume that people already know enough about them or that the Trinity is too confusing to talk about.

3. Make “The Little Engine That Could” the foundation and center of your theology.

4. Remember that God is passive, so you better be really active… or else.

5. Remember, no other Christians get it right except for your tribe, of which you should be chief.

6. Only use Scripture as a proof-text—don’t actually teach it.

7. Tell people to follow their hearts.

8. Talk about technique a lot, because techniques are concrete. Miracles like regeneration, God turning haters into lovers, and the fruit of the Spirit are too abstract to be helpful.

9. Guilt is a great motivator. Use it wisely.

10. In their sanctification, people should fake it till they make it. Tell them how.

11. Be condescending. Make sure your theology is un-gracious in content and tone.

12. People really want Good Advice instead of Good News, so be a people-pleaser and only give lots of advice.