How Not to Get a Job in Pastoral Ministry

In the interview, make it known that you could not possibly be limited to anything less than 40 minutes whenever you preach.

In the interview, say something like, “Don’t ask me to give up my unique personal appearance (clothes, hair, shoes, nose ring, earring). It’s who I am.”

In the interview, make it clear: “You can’t expect me to be on time.”

“Excuse me, this text is really important. My friend just posted this witty repartee on Facebook.”

How Not to Keep a Job in Pastoral Ministry

If you are in youth ministry, cultivate an “Us”-versus-“Them” mentality among your teens toward the adults in their lives (“Look, I know your parents don’t ‘get’ you, but I do...”).

Broadcast your resentment at being asked to visit shut-ins and make hospital visits rather than preach.

After a month on the job, draw up a list with your insights about everything the church has been doing wrong.

Share your list with your social network or your entire email directory ... or, even better, include it in your family Christmas letter.

Your turn 

Maybe recalling errors of your own “early days” in ministry, or maybe just observing the folly we all see in ministry over the years, you have a contribution for my “How Not to” lists.

Have fun out there.