“Biblically, can I get a divorce?”

Steve Brown:
Biblically, can I get a divorce? The answer to that and other questions, on Key Life.

Matthew Porter:
Key Life exists to communicate that the deepest message of Jesus and the Bible is the radical grace of God to sinners and sufferers. Life’s hard for everyone, so grace is for all of us, but there is a lot of confusion about how grace applies to real life. So, here’s seminary professor and author, Steve Brown and Pete Alwinson to answer your questions.

Steve Brown:
Thank you Matthew. Hi Pete.

Pete Alwinson:
Hey man. Here we go. Here we are. Friday, same place.

Steve Brown:
Same place, same time.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah.

Steve Brown:
Same station.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah.

Steve Brown:
Same thing, it gets boring, doesn’t it?

Pete Alwinson:
Not at all. Never a dull moment because our questions that we get are always so good.

Steve Brown:
Oh, they really are. We have a thinking audience. And by the way, that’s Pete Alwinson and Pete comes in on Fridays, as you know and has for a long time, and we answer questions. We love your questions. If you dial 1-800-KEY-LIFE, follow instructions, you can record your question anytime and often we put you on the air. Or you can write to

Key Life Network
P.O. Box 5000
Maitland, Florida 32794

in Canada, it’s

Key Life Canada
P.O. Box 28060
Waterloo, Ontario N2L 6J8

or you can send your question to [email protected] and we’ll take your question seriously and if you can help us financially, we won’t take your question more seriously, but we’ll rise up and call you blessed and promise to use your gift and be as faithful as you were in giving it. We’ll squeeze every dime for the glory of God and for the benefit of God’s people. So, if you can help us financially, please do. You can use your credit card, include it in the envelope and there are ways you can do it with your phone, text Key Life at 28950 and follow instructions. And if you can do, if you can’t pray for us, Pete, you pray for us and we’ll get to these questions.

Pete Alwinson:
All right. Oh Father, we come to you today on this Friday and what a joy to be able to come into your presence, to just stop and be overwhelmed with the reality that the God of the Universe created us, redeemed us in Jesus, knows us, loves us, and has an incredible plan for our lives. So, we stop for a minute because Lord, quite frankly, the week is often so difficult and we often think you’re not around that you don’t know what we are going through. We feel alone. We struggle. And so, Lord, we come back to you right now. Lord Jesus, we ask by your Spirit that you would make yourself known to us and lead us this week-end into the presence, of the Holy God of the Universe with your people. Be with our pastors. Lord, be with them, our priests, teachers, leaders, worship directors, all those that are going to work so hard, to bring us into the presence of the living God. Would you cause us to worship. Would you cause us to rest in you and allow your grace to sink deeper into our hearts. And now, we commit this time of Q&A to you. And we pray that you would be glorified. In your holy name we pray, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Steve Brown:
Amen. Pete, this is an e-mail. What are the reasons for leaving one’s spouse in marriage? Is divorce ever justified? What about abuse? Once divorced, is there a possibility of remarriage? A lot of questions there.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah.

Steve Brown:
And folks.

Pete Alwinson:
And I’m going to let you answer all of those.

Steve Brown:
Oh yeah, sure. Actually, as you know, they’re just, if you’re looking for a Biblical reason where God says this is a reason that divorce is permitted. There are two of them. One is adultery and the other is if a believer is married to an unbeliever and the unbeliever no longer wants to be married. Now, those are two, but that doesn’t cover the subject, does it?

Pete Alwinson:
No, it really does it. The Bible never encourages divorce. In fact, Malachi, God says, I hate divorce. So, it’s something that he hates and it’s not something that he commands us to pursue. And we, it ought to really be a last resort as we seek sanctification and for his power in us and in the marriage.

Steve Brown:
That’s true. And what Moses said in Deuteronomy, Jesus repeated in the gospels, that it’s the hardness of heart that makes divorce a necessary evil sometimes, but that ought to be the very last thing. I’m going to write a book on marriage, it’s going to have one word in it on every page. Don’t leave. Just don’t leave.

Pete Alwinson:
Don’t, you know.

Steve Brown:
Yeah. Cause sometimes it’s only in the mud that you find the diamonds. You know, if you jump off the marriage train, you’re going to miss a whole lot that would be a part and so important to your life. Is marriage, is divorce the unforgivable sin?

Pete Alwinson:
No, clearly not. There’s only one. And that’s rejection of the gospel and rejection of God’s work in your heart to receive the gospel. So, that’s the unpardonable sin, unbelief.

Steve Brown:
And then the other question that is asked by this person is can somebody who’s divorced be remarried?

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah. And that’s right where the controversy and even among good Bible believing Christians a great diversity of opinion, when you read Jesus in Matthew 5, verses 31 through 32. The exception clause there is what is the debate over.

Steve Brown:
I think, and I think this is correct, but as you said, a lot of strong Christian teachers disagree, but I think that Jesus only affirmed what Moses did in terms of the process of putting a wife away. It’s what Jesus is saying because two words are used for divorce, one which is formal for divorce and the other which is used for putting away. And so, Jesus is saying, don’t get divorced, that’s a bad thing, God hates divorce, but if you get divorced, do it with a certificate of divorce, the way Moses said. And if you don’t, you’re not divorced, and if you’re remarried, you’re committing adultery. And so, he is simply affirming the teaching that was in the Old Testament before. But, could be wrong.

Pete Alwinson:
Which led to a greater protection for the woman in those ancient cultures. And so, men tended to be the precipitators of divorce in the Old, but now that’s not true. In modern times, it is typically not men that are precipitating divorces, it’s women.

Steve Brown:
Is it really?

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah.

Steve Brown:
I didn’t know that.

Pete Alwinson:
Statistically, yeah. And so, at least in our country at this point in time. Really, we all ought to do better at premarital counseling. We ought to do marital counseling and we ought to, when the problems begin to surface, and this is what I love about the younger generation, a lot of them don’t see it as a bad thing about going to a counselor.

Steve Brown:
Yeah, that’s true.

Pete Alwinson:
Our generation said, whoa, if you go to a counselor, something’s wrong with you spiritually, but they’re much more open to having coaches and dealing with issues earlier. And to me that’s the thing you need to do, but go to your pastors and your elders and include them and let them guide you in this because every case is different and get that guidance from your local church.

Steve Brown:
So good. So good. Well, that’s all we know on that subject. Let’s go to our phone lines.

Caller 1:
I have read the Bible all the way through many times, but I do not have an effective witness for Christ. I have a testimony, but I find it very difficult to witness to other people. What may I do about that?

Steve Brown:
Well, maybe you have this standard that is an effective witness that somebody else gave you and you not living up to what they said, not necessarily what God said. I suspect that living out your life is a witness, but let me suggest something. Why don’t you tell your neighbors, I’ve read the Bible and there’s so much I don’t understand, you want to meet with me and let’s study the Bible together? And then if you got a few neighbors together and you had a Bible study, you’d be surprised the effective witness that will give in your neighborhood.

Pete Alwinson:
I love that idea.

Steve Brown:
Isn’t that good? I just thought of that, I thought, you know, that’s good.

Pete Alwinson:
And that’s doable. A lot of people are interested and you have not because you’ve asked not sometimes.

Steve Brown:
That’s very true.

Pete Alwinson:
I love it. I love it.

Steve Brown:
And it’s very, you know, we have this view of unbelievers that isn’t true. They don’t want to talk about it. They don’t want to be a part of it. They hate the church. They hate you because you’re a Christian. In most cases, that’s just not true.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah.

Steve Brown:
And you’d be surprised going to a neighbor and saying, look, I’ve been reading the Bible and some of it is so crazy, it’s driving me nuts. Do you want to have a Bible study with me and let’s get a couple others and do it. And you’d be surprised how God can use that. And then don’t duck. That’s all you have to do. Don’t duck, when it comes up, make sure people know you’re a Christian. If they ask the question why, be sure and tell them why. Never ignore the truth. Speak it gently and lovingly. And then, dear friend, that’s enough.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah. And then she sounds like a sweet lady. And I think sometimes it’s just being involved in people’s lives. You know, we think of a Billy Graham or somebody that, you know, like a Steve Brown that’s got the voice and can proclaim and if we will just, if we would just be a friend to some of those people that are not easy to be friends to or just just be nice. Bring, you know, bring them cookies. Bring them food.

Steve Brown:
That’s right.

Pete Alwinson:
Just love them.

Steve Brown:
I have a friend who sends pizzas to his, they don’t even know where it came from.

Pete Alwinson:
Really.

Steve Brown:
He’ll send the pizza to his neighbor for Saturday night. And he knows they love pizza. And eventually they find out he did it and ask him why. And then I Peter falls into line.

Be ready to give answer to anybody who asks you.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right. That’s right.

Steve Brown:
So, there’s a sense in which you should create questions.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah. I like it. I like it. Yeah. There’s a lot of ways to show the love of God, to be different and.

Steve Brown:
That’s true. And we get so locked in on what we’ve been taught, that this is a witness and this isn’t a witness. You might be really surprised at how powerful a normal life will be in terms of witness to those to whom that life touches.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah, that’s right. And one thing too, Steve, is we both run into a lot of people that are really true introverts. And it’s a big deal.

Steve Brown:
Oh yeah.

Pete Alwinson:
It’s, it’s they, they don’t want to mess up anybody else’s life, they don’t want to intrude. It’s like pulling teeth. I get that.

Steve Brown:
I do too. I do too.

Pete Alwinson:
You know, and they’d rather just fly under the radar and ask for boldness and then just to be loving.

Steve Brown:
Just to be what God. Yeah. That’ll be enough.

Pete Alwinson:
See what happens.

Steve Brown:
So, I want to add something that’s really profound, but

Pete Alwinson:
I know.

Steve Brown:
we said it all and we’re out of time.

Pete Alwinson:
Well, yeah. There’s not much left, but just you are a witness, so make the most of it.

Steve Brown:
Hey Pete, we’ve got to go. But first, Key Life is a listener supported production of Key Life Network.