“Control: the mother of all addictions. Why is that?”

Steve Brown:
Control: the mother of all addictions. Why is that? Let’s talk, on Key Life.

Matthew Porter:
This is Key Life, dedicated to the message that the only people who get any better are those who know that if they don’t get any better, God will still love them anyway. That teaching raises a lot of questions. So, here’s author and seminary professor, Steve Brown, along with Pete Alwinson from ForgeTruth with answers from the Bible that will make you free.

Steve Brown:
Thank you Matthew. Hi Pete.

Pete Alwinson:
Hey man. I’m feeling like I want to take over right now and just control this.

Steve Brown:
You can’t cause I’m in control. Leave me alone.

Pete Alwinson:
It’s your show. Okay.

Steve Brown:
That is the mother of all addictions. And we’re going to talk about it in just a moment. By the way, that’s Pete Alwinson, and I’ve told you this, and some of you haven’t done it and you’re going to get the hives, you ought to go to ForgeTruth.com for all things Pete. You’ll find, well, it’s really all things Jesus, but it’s through Pete and it’s so good. There’s a podcast on that website that is weekly and so good and profound. A lot of great teaching, video and audio teaching. It’s a great and deep website. Go to it. It’s called ForgeTruth.com as you know, Pete comes in on Fridays and we answer questions together. And we love to do this. We’ve been doing it a long time, because we like you and we take your questions seriously. If you have questions, and the only dumb one’s the one you don’t ask, you can pick up the phone, 24 7, dial 1-800-KEY-LIFE, follow directions and record your question and very often we’ll put your voice on the air. Or you can send your question to

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Pete Alwinson:
You got it. Let’s pray together. Our Father, we thank you that we can come into Your presence, the God of the universe, who created all things out of nothing, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. We honor you and praise you and we come into your presence. And Lord Jesus, we have no doubt that the very reason we can come into your presence so boldly is because of what you did in fulfilling the law perfectly in your perfect life and then taking perfectly our sins onto yourself on the cross. We thank you that you paid for the price that we couldn’t pay. And that through faith in you, you have set us free. And so, we come to you today at the end of this week, a little tired, but thankful that we belong to you and that you’re in charge. And we ask for your grace and strength today. Help us as we follow you for another day, Lord. Renew our soul and renew our soul this week-end, Lord. We pray you’d be with our pastors and teachers, our priests and leaders. Lord, may church be new and fresh this week-end as we come into your presence with your people. Lord, we ask that you would speak to us and may you be glorified and honored. May we be set free as we lead, as we give worship and praise to your name. Now, we commit this time of Q&A to you. In Jesus’ strong Name, we pray. Amen.

Steve Brown:
Amen. Pete, let’s go to the phone lines.

Caller 1:
Steve, you mentioned something called control being the mother of all addiction, and that’s something that stuck with me and I would like for you to elaborate on that. I serve in a ministry that’s not very popular, but I do identify as a minister of the gospel, and I get several opportunities to point people to Christ in the marketplace where I am, more than I think I would be as professional clergy.

Steve Brown:
Good for you. You go, brother.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah, yeah.

Steve Brown:
That’s a good question.

Pete Alwinson:
Mm hmm.

Steve Brown:
I don’t remember saying it, but I believe it. And if I said it, it was quite wise, that control was the mother of all addictions.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah.

Steve Brown:
It really is, isn’t it?

Pete Alwinson:
Well, it is, but I want you to elaborate on it a little bit more.

Steve Brown:
Well, one of the things that I told you is that Pete’s going through recoup from rotator surgery. It’s no fun. And the doctor has given him a prescription for pain medication. And I said to Pete, don’t get addicted to that stuff. And he said, I’m not, and he is careful and he’s being careful, but there’s a lot of pain there. And what happens in a, and we can use it as a metaphor, is that you hate the pain, the drugs remove the pain, then you don’t have the pain, then when the pain comes back you do it again and again and pretty soon you’re addicted now, that’s not happening with you, but it happens to a lot of people who go through pain. Now, we move into other addictions, it’s the same principle.

Pete Alwinson:
So, you’re saying that pain often causes us to move into control mode,

Steve Brown:
exactly

Pete Alwinson:
in any way, shape, or form that we can, in order to remove the pain.

Steve Brown:
And it does, generally, the things we’re addicted to, sex, booze, drugs, and even good things, that become our idols, that we get into because it lessens the pain and they become addictive.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah. Yeah.

Steve Brown:
And so, the secret is to recognize God’s control.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah.

Steve Brown:
To let go and say, look, I don’t have to control, and I’m a controlling person. And I’m not proud of that. I’m the child of an, an adult child of an alcoholic, and every time things got out of control, I was in trouble.

Pete Alwinson:
Mm hmm.

Steve Brown:
So, I’ve spent, but I’m learning. I spent a long time trying to control everything.

Pete Alwinson:
Mm hmm.

Steve Brown:
And you can’t do it. And there has been some freedom that’s come when I’ve recognized that God says over and over and over again. I’ve got this.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah.

Steve Brown:
Go to sleep.

Pete Alwinson:
Don’t fear, I’ve got this.

Steve Brown:
I’ve got this.

Pete Alwinson:
You know that this is so good. It’s so helpful. It’s kind of like if you have gotten severely criticized as a young person, all the way into adult life, you may be super talkative and you may never listen, never accept positive input, positive criticism, positive feedback.

Steve Brown:
And become addicted to it.

Pete Alwinson:
And so, you’re always looking for people to love you. And then whenever somebody even hints at being negative about you, you cut them off, you run away, that’s a form of control too.

Steve Brown:
So true. And sometimes the same illustration you’re using, you make it better by getting drunk.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah, right, right.

Steve Brown:
Or taking drugs or whatever.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right. So really, you know, ultimately the gospel of grace that sets us free and helps us know deep down in the core of our being, in our heart, that we are the deeply beloved, redeemed people of God. That helps to help us deal with the pain and fear that comes from life.

Steve Brown:
And you know, you and I both deal often with guys that are addicted to pornography.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah. Yeah.

Steve Brown:
Same thing.

Pete Alwinson:
Yep. Yep.

Steve Brown:
It’s the same principle and it’s there. Now, it’s not easy. No addiction is easy to get over.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right.

Steve Brown:
But the key is an attitude, that says, God’s in charge of me.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right. That’s right.

Steve Brown:
And I can trust him. And when you can do that, you do pretty good.

Pete Alwinson:
Rest, surrender in him. That’s good.

Steve Brown:
All right. This is an e-mail. The Bible teaches healing, why is it that God chooses to heal some and not others?

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah. What do you think?

Steve Brown:
What do you think? You’re going through this right now with somebody you love.

Pete Alwinson:
And I fear I’m going to be the one to be asked to do the funeral. And the memorial service, and it’ll be heart rending because she’s not old and she’s one of the most beloved people in this big network that she has. And so, we can say a one level God is absolutely sovereign. We know that. And it’s not, I can say it’s not because she’s a sinner, she’s not forgiven. She’s forgiven. So, I can say that it’s not that. And her family has been following Jesus, sons and grandchildren and it’s incredible. But God has a purpose that is probably far beyond our comprehension right now.

Steve Brown:
And that’s hard to believe when you go through it, but it’s true, nevertheless, it’s true. You know, and I can hear the pain that you’re going through because you really do love this family. One of the bad things that we do in this kind of situation is that we try to make what is dark and painful and hard, light and Disney World, and it’s not.

Pete Alwinson:
So true. So true. We trivialize, God’s in charge, just cry, pray, get over it.

Steve Brown:
Romans 8:28, go get a milkshake.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right.

Steve Brown:
Don’t do that.

Pete Alwinson:
No.

Steve Brown:
Run to the pain.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right.

Steve Brown:
A friend of mine who’s a Christian psychologist said, that we have a tendency to run from it, we need to run to it.

Pete Alwinson:
Run to it.

Steve Brown:
Because that’s where Jesus meets his people.

Pete Alwinson:
I think you’re so right. And again, a reference back to your book, Laughter and Lament, that lament has a big part of our, it leads us to the end of ourselves. I think, again in this big network of people, there may be some that need to hear the hope of the gospel that they will only hear at a memorial service.

Steve Brown:
That’s true.

Pete Alwinson:
And yet it is still grievous. Death is in Christ. It’s no longer our enemy, even though it feels like it is.

Steve Brown:
Yeah, that’s true. You know how I’m going to close this broadcast?

Pete Alwinson:
How?

Steve Brown:
I’m going to for you and for that family. I don’t even know their names. Father, Pete, I can see it in his face. He winces because of a decision that you and your goodness and your wisdom have made. I pray for the family that he loves. I pray for Pete, too. You know, a pastor’s heart can be broken, too, so give peace, get them through it. And then when we get home and every tear will be dried, every pain banished. We’ll celebrate and we’ll give you all the credit and all the glory. And we pray in Jesus’ Name. Amen. Well, we’re out of time.

Pete Alwinson:
Thank you Steve.

Steve Brown:
That was a good prayer, and good timing, too, I might say.

Pete Alwinson:
Amen. Amen.

Steve Brown:
Hey, Key Life is a listener supported production of Key Life Network.