“Have I forgiven someone if I’m still angry?”

Steve Brown:
Have I forgiven someone if I’m still angry? The answer to that and other questions on Key Life.

Matthew Porter:
If you think laughter isn’t spiritual, or that faithfulness to God means conformity to Christian stereotypes, then this program probably isn’t for you. But if you’re looking for honest Biblical answers to hard questions, then welcome to Key Life. Here’s our host, author and seminary professor, Steve Brown, along with Pete Alwinson, from ForgeTruth.

Steve Brown:
Thank you Matthew. Hi Pete.

Pete Alwinson:
Stephen. How you doing?

Steve Brown:
I’m doing really good.

Pete Alwinson:
Good, good.

Steve Brown:
Pete has been giving me some exercise on falling and balance and stuff like that.

Pete Alwinson:
Well, you trip going

Steve Brown:
You’re not my mother.

Pete Alwinson:
I’m not your mother. I’m your coach. You trip going up some steps where you’re preaching at a church.

Steve Brown:
And it was dark and nobody saw me fall.

Pete Alwinson:
Well, that’s good.

Steve Brown:
But the guy who was assigned to me said, Dr. Brown, you do have to stop drinking.

Pete Alwinson:
Well, and we’ve been encouraging that for years.

Steve Brown:
By the way, that’s Pete Alwinson. And as you know, he comes in on Fridays and has been doing that for over 25 years. We’ve been sitting in this studio and frankly, it’s getting old.

Pete Alwinson:
I know. I mean, we need it. We’ve got to get another window in here.

Steve Brown:
That’s right. And he comes in on Fridays and we spend this time answering questions. And we appreciate your questions, by the way. And don’t forget to go to ForgeTruth.com that is a great website. There’s a great podcast there, a lot of video and audio and text material that is life changing, especially if you’re a guy. If you’re not, or you don’t identify as a guy, you can go there too. You can find out what real guys are thinking, and saying, and studying. It’s ForgeTruth.com as I was saying before I interrupted myself, we very much appreciate your questions. You can ask a question anytime you want, 24 7, by calling 1-800-KEY-LIFE and following instructions. And sometimes we put your voice on the air. Or you can send your question to

Key Life Network
P.O. Box 5000
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in Canada, it’s

Key Life Canada
P.O. Box 28060
Waterloo, Ontario N2L 6J8

or you can e-mail your question to [email protected] and while you’re doing that, if you included a gift, we’ll do hours of research on your question and give you pages of answers. And if you believe that, you’ll believe anything, but do help us financially if you can. If you can’t, say a prayer for this ministry. And if you do, I promise we’ll be faithful with your gift. Pete, why don’t you lead us in prayer and then we’ll get to some of these questions.

Pete Alwinson:
All right, let’s pray. Our holy, holy God, we come into your presence today just grateful that you have made yourself known to us in so many ways through what you’ve made, the beauty and order and creation of this world and the universe. We also understand that you have revealed yourself to us through the reality of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Thank you for the word of God that became flesh and the word that is written down as well. So, we honor you and praise you. We glorify your Holy Name and we ask that Lord your grace would be so real to us. Because of all that Christ has done for us, that it would just continue to transform our lives. Encourage us, build us to focus on your grace. We need you every day. And this weekend we pray for our leaders, our pastors and priests and teachers and worship directors who are going to be communicating to us the gospel. And we pray that you would give them powerful words for us and for us ears to hear and lives to follow what they say. Lord, thanks for this time of Q&A. We thank you for Steve and all of the crew at Key Life. Pray that you would bless them. Pray that you would use this broadcast. We pray in your Holy Name. Amen.

Steve Brown:
Amen. Pete, let’s first go to our phone lines.

Caller 1:
If someone has done you wrong and hurt you, and you try as best as you can to forgive them, you ask God repeatedly to forgive this person, but every time you think of what this person did, you get angry, as if it just happened to you again. Tell me, even though I’ve gone before the throne and asked Christ to help me to forgive this person, have I forgiven this person if I still get angry with them about what they’ve done?

Steve Brown:
That’s a good question.

Pete Alwinson:
And well put.

Steve Brown:
And it’s well put, and I get it. I mean, I’ve been there and I go there often. You know, I think that first, I believe that you haven’t wasted your time before God about asking him to help you forgive. I sometimes say to God, you know how I feel, I hope they get the hives and die. But you haven’t given me any wiggle room and you don’t tell me to do something you don’t help me to do. And so, you’ve got to do something with my heart. I believe that’s a powerful prayer and it may take a month, it may take a year. You may do it in a week. But I think God answers that prayer. And all he requires is that you be in the process. That you be aware of where the sin is, that you ask for forgiveness and you follow up on that. And do things that are forgiven, that you would do if you had forgiven them. That’s all you can do. You can’t fix your feelings of anger. And man, I’ve been there. When I’ve gotten angry, I realized I still have to stay before the throne and ask for, and ask for the gift of being able to forgive.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah. Well, that’s well put. And yet directly, I would say to him, the blood of Jesus covers that.

Steve Brown:
Yeah, it does.

Pete Alwinson:
When you ask for forgiveness, you are forgiven. But there is that ongoing, you’re forgiven. But there is that ongoing sense that getting forgiveness deeper and deeper into your heart, you know? It’s very clear that Jesus included this in our daily life.

Steve Brown:
I know.

Pete Alwinson:

Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.

And if the Lord’s Prayer is a model sort of prayer for outlining our prayers, that means that forgiveness is something that’s going to be an ongoing thing, maybe almost every day. Guy that cuts you off in traffic versus the guy that hurts you deeply.

Steve Brown:
Yeah. And that’s a good point too. The difficulty of forgiveness is correlated with how much you’ve been hurt. You know, when a guy cuts me off in traffic, just make an obscene gesture and 10 seconds later, I’ve forgiven him cause it didn’t matter.

Pete Alwinson:
Right. Ultimately.

Steve Brown:
But if somebody had been very critical of me in a public way, or included me in a book where they were critical, or have rejected me and shamed me publicly, I can’t do that in a day. I mean, I don’t let it, that’s what forgiveness means, letting it go. And so, I’m going to have to deal, as you said, with anger and it depends on how big the aberration was related to me.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right. That’s right. And that differs with every person. And to err is human, to forgive is divine. So, as we enter into that process, we are doing something that’s supernatural.

Steve Brown:
So true.

Pete Alwinson:
And it has to happen and Christians forgive. And if we don’t, and that’s what’s, as a pastor, we see guys that people in our congregations who have not let things go.

Steve Brown:
Oh, I know. And they’re bitter and it starts, what the Bible calls a root of bitterness.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right.

Steve Brown:
And it becomes embedded. And also I think, while we’re on this subject, I think the most powerful witness we give to the world is forgiveness. I really do. You remember when those Amish people, their children were killed by that crazy guy? Also, in South Carolina, when the racists came in and killed those people when they were in prayer. And in both cases, they forgave him. That was the most powerful witness that we can make.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right.

Steve Brown:
And so it was a good thing.

Pete Alwinson:
And that bitterness then grows up, can become a block to further growth in our life and usefulness.

Steve Brown:
It could eat you alive.

Pete Alwinson:
And sometimes Christians wonder why they’re not being used, why they are not being appreciated, why. Because they’re bitter, they’re negative, and God doesn’t want to use us that way.

Steve Brown:
No, he really doesn’t. And, well, enough said. Does God have a sense of humor? This is an e-mail.

Pete Alwinson:
What do you think?

Steve Brown:
Well, he created me, so he must. Yeah, I wrote a book called Laughter and Lament. And it’s not a great book, but it’s not bad either.

Pete Alwinson:
No, it’s a good book. You ought to get it.

Steve Brown:
Well, I did a lot of research trying to find out about places. And God does laugh. He laughs in creation, in His creation. Sometimes He laughs in derision, at those who have spurned Him and turned from Him. There’s this great big old belly laugh that takes place. And He did create giraffes. A God who creates giraffes has a sense of humor.

Pete Alwinson:
Creative sense of humor.

Steve Brown:
And there are a number of places in Scripture where you get this sense of release and humor that comes from God. And I think that that’s true of Jesus who reflects God. You know, Elton Trueblood, nobody knows who that is except you and me, and that’s cause I’m really old and you’re getting there. But he wrote a book a number of years ago called The Humor of Christ. And it was a good book, and it reflected something we don’t often think about.

Pete Alwinson:
Mm hmm. Agree.

Steve Brown:
All right, what do you think, this is an e-mail too, what do you think about the ethics of some of the advances in science?

Pete Alwinson:
Well, you know, some people would say that all that science does is good. And we would say probably not. There are advances in science, certainly for abortion aspects. And I’m not a scientist. I’m not wired to know all of these advances, but the reality is, many who are, have a secular mindset are at forefront of pushing some of it.

Steve Brown:
I agree. That’s why it’s so important that Christians be engaged in that particular discipline. And we have a number of Christians who are, who are very clear. We have Hugh Ross on our talk show quite often, and you can go and check out that website, Reasons to Believe. But there are a number of scientists there who are strong believers, and that means that yes, science can be something that glorifies God, or not, if God isn’t important to you.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right.

Steve Brown:
We got to go. We’re out of time.

Pete Alwinson:
I know. I know. I’ve got to go read some more on science.

Steve Brown:
Me too. Guys, before we go, I must say, Key Life is a listener supported production of Key Life Network.