“Is it wrong for me to want to be married?”

Steve Brown:
“Is it wrong for me to want to be married?” The answer to that and other questions, on Key Life.

Matthew Porter:
Welcome to Key Life. Our host and teacher is Steve Brown. He’s no guru, but he does have honest answers to honest questions about the Bible. God’s grace changes everything, how we love, work, live, lead, marry, parent, evangelize, purchase, and worship. So, here’s Steve and Pete Alwinson from ForgeBibleStudy.com with street-smart Bible teaching for real life.

Steve Brown:
Thank you Matthew. Hi Peter.

Pete Alwinson:
Hey man. I don’t understand it, you are married.

Steve Brown:
Oh.

Pete Alwinson:
You are. You are, you are married.

Steve Brown:
Well, when you get old, you forget things. And, you get home in the evening, you don’t say, hello honey, you say, who are you?

Pete Alwinson:
No, no, no. Sorry. I just had to say that.

Steve Brown:
And by the way, I’m not making light of, I know how difficult that can be for some people.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah.

Steve Brown:
You know, some things are so bad that if you don’t make jokes of it, you can’t get through them.

Pete Alwinson:
I know.

Steve Brown:
That’s really true.

Pete Alwinson:
I know.

Steve Brown:
And, we have, I have some close friends. I have a lot of close friends who are dealing with spousal Alzheimer’s or dementia. And it’s really hard. And a friend, another friend of mine, long time ministry guy in world sports, his first wife went through that, and he, you know how they got through it. They made jokes. I mean, they made jokes about her getting lost. They made, and we would laugh. And he said, Steve, if I didn’t do that, I couldn’t get through it. So, sometimes we’re just too uptight.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right. That’s true.

Steve Brown:
Well, I didn’t mean to preach the sermon, but I got started.

Pete Alwinson:
I got you off track. We’ve got to get back on track. Sorry about that.

Steve Brown:
That’s Pete Alwinson. By the way, go to ForgeTruth.com and if you’re a guy, and you would like to do something that’s life changing, check ForgeTruth.com if you’re in Central Florida. And become a part of those, of that movement. It is incredible. You can find out about it at ForgeTruth.com. And as you know, Pete comes in on Fridays and we spend the time answering questions. And we love your questions, and you. You can call 1-800-KEY-LIFE, 24 7, and sometimes we’ll put your voice on the air asking the question. Or you can send your question to

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Pete Alwinson:
All right, here you go. Our Great Father, what a joy it is to come into your presence today on this Friday. And to just remember that we belong to you because you came after us. Father, all of us here in the United States, in Canada, around the world who are listening to this Lord, Jesus, how we thank you that you love us and you did everything necessary to draw us to the Father. You know our needs, you know where we need to grow, where we need to grow up, where we need to forgive, where we need to be forgiven. Lord, where we need your Spirit to ,give us wisdom and skill for everyday living and relating to people. You know the bills we have, the sicknesses we face. And so, Father, we come to you as your beloved children because of Jesus. And ask that you continue your great work in us and use this broadcast, we pray this ministry to continue to conform us to your image. Lord Jesus, we pray for our pastors, teachers, priests, and all those that will stand before us this week-end and lead us in worship. And we pray for them, pray that you’d use them in a powerful way, to bring us to our knees and to lift up our hearts to you. We commit all these things to you in your strong name, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Steve Brown:
Amen. Hey Pete, let’s first go to our phone lines.

Caller 1:
I’m a widow. I’m grieving because I was married to my husband for a long time. And I’m asking the Lord to guide my life. Not necessarily that I will remarry and be happy. But just that he will guide my life because his will is so much more important than mine. Any help you can give me about this, I would be very glad.

Steve Brown:
That’s a sweet question from a really nice lady. First, feel free to ask God to make you happy. And if you want to get married, ask him to do that. I mean, if you think that, he knows it anyway, and he’s not a child abuser, he wants to do it. And I know that it’s got to be hard, if you’ve had a successful marriage all those years, to now even think in those terms. I understand that. And if I can understand it and Pete’s nodding, so he understands it too. I’m sure God does. What would you say to somebody about that.

Pete Alwinson:
No, that’s good, Steve. You know, the Bible says it’s not good for a man to be alone, when it comes to marriage, it’s not good for a, we were meant to be married. Now, there is, can you replace what you had? Probably not, but you can move forward in God’s time and way. I would get, I would continue to pray, as you are. I would get a couple of friends to pray with me. And I would talk to my children, if I had them, and ask for wisdom and their insight because that is a, I think that’s one of the things with men that they don’t often do, when they remarry, they don’t talk to their kids. And I think they need to get the buy in of their kids, but we were meant to have that kind of companionship.

Steve Brown:
You know, I just thought, this really happened. One time a lady wanted to join the church where I was the pastor. And, she was out of a religious heritage that believed that you stayed married throughout eternity to the person you were married with. And she said, she came to my office and she said, do you believe that? And I said, well, let me tell you what Jesus said, that you know, you won’t be given and receiving in marriage the way you are here, that’s not what heaven’s going to be like. It’s going to be a deeper thing with a lot of people. She said, good, I’m going to join your church. And I said, why? She said, I just got a divorce and I would’ve stayed with him for a lifetime, but I cannot live with that, and she used an expletive, for all of eternity. So, I’m going to be a Presbyterian. And I said, look, that’s not a good reason to join the church. And so, I’m not going to let you do it, but that’s unusual.

Pete Alwinson:
Well, the full range of experiences in marriage, right?

Steve Brown:
That’s true.

Pete Alwinson:
The good, bad, and the ugly.

Steve Brown:
That is so true. Pete, this is an e-mail. What does the Bible teach, speaking of marriage, about divorce?

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah. Well.

Steve Brown:
And what about separation due to abuse?

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah, I think separation, just to answer that quickly, I think if there’s physical abuse going on, then there needs to be separation because it usually escalates and doesn’t get better. Verbal abuse, perhaps in the same category. Absence generally does not make the heart grow fonder, you know, I mean, if there are real issues, you’ve got to get help, try to get help. And get your elders involved. Now divorce, you’ve got a great line on divorce.

Steve Brown:
Well, it’s not the unforgivable sin. And, you know, Moses allowed divorce in that Deuteronomy passage. And Jesus referred to it. And he said that Moses allowed it for the hardness of your heart. Well, our hearts are not any less hard than the people in the time of Moses. And so it, but God hates it. He doesn’t like it. So, if you’re divorced, it’s not the end of the world, own it, then go on about your life and know that Jesus loves you. And he forgives you. And I don’t believe, you know, and we’re going to get into trouble for saying it. There was a time when I didn’t allow anybody to teach or to be an officer in the church, if they’d gone through a divorce. That lasted about three weeks into the master. All of a sudden I got 75% of my congregation in Miami, who’ve gone through a divorce. And I decided, and I prayed about it cause I didn’t want to do something that violated Scripture. And I decided that it’s not the end of the world.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right.

Steve Brown:
And it’s not the unforgivable sin and some of the best leaders we had, had been through a divorce.

Pete Alwinson:
Well, you know, and there’s nothing more humbling than a failed marriage. You know, marriage, the death of, a divorce is a death and it’s humbling. And if you’re not humbled by it and don’t grow through it, then you’re missing what God can do.

Steve Brown:
Yeah. Listen, this is an e-mail too. How does God in his sovereignty order our lives?

Pete Alwinson:
Oh wow. I mean, we’re going to find out a whole lot more in heaven when we get there. That’s a really big issue, but he does it through his Spirit, he does it through his word, he does it through circumstances. You know, what am I missing? I mean, there’s so much, we will have learning throughout eternity about how he ordered us and how he led things.

Steve Brown:
And that means that tomorrow morning, when you get up, it’s an appropriate prayer, to pray Lord, what kind of neat things have you got planned for me today?

Pete Alwinson:
Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. That’s right.

Steve Brown:
What’s that old saw, some wake up in the morning and say, good morning Lord. And others wake up in the morning and say, good Lord, it’s morning.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right. Yeah.

Steve Brown:
But that’s appropriate and to be aware that you’re not living in an accidental universe.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s exactly right. There’s no such thing as chance,

Steve Brown:
That’s right.

Pete Alwinson:
to say we don’t believe in fatalism as Christians. And so, be looking for God’s will, which most of it is in the Bible. But there’s a lot of it that he’s flushing out all around us.

Steve Brown:
That’s right. And the reason we need to be involved with each other is, as you said, that’s one of the major reasons, or one of the major ways that God leads.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right. And life is so ordinary much of the time that sometimes there are these standout events that happen to us like your hurricane down in South Florida.

Steve Brown:
That’s right.

Pete Alwinson:
And where God is like shouting. And he’s saying, Steve, we’re going to, I’m in this. You’re still alive. We’ve got things that are good out of this.

Steve Brown:
You know, when we went through that hurricane, Mr. Graham came down, Billy Graham and had a kind of thing, out in a field for those who’d lost everything. And he said, he was on the helicopter flying down to that field. And he saw that somebody had written on the roof. God, what are you saying to us? So, that’s a good question. Not, how could you do this, but what are you telling me? We’re out of here, but first I must say. Key Life is a listener supported production of Key Life Network.