I have heard that you are struggling to fight the funk that has found its way to your doorstep, into your home and has met you lying in your bed paralyzed by the thought of facing the day. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way and can say that I can all too often relate.
There are days that, like you, I feel as if my life as a mom is only an opportunity for failure. I long for peace from my kids so that I am not faced with the challenge of discipline, yet I don't ever seem to come by it. I know what you are feeling when you say that you sometimes liken your children to Piranhas and don't want to step out of your room for fear of being attacked.
I imagine that most people you have confided in have offered well-meaning advice. I have probably heard the same things myself in times of discouragement. Maybe you’ve been told that the root of your problem is that you are not faithful with your “quiet times.” Maybe you've been told to craft a strict schedule so that you always know what to do next. Oh and my favorite has always been, "Get some rest!" I'm not sure about you but not one of these remedies has ever pulled me from the pit. Are they good? Of course! But never the solution to a discouraged heart.
I hesitate to offer my advice but I feel that maybe you have not heard from anyone else what I am about to say. I write what I know as a desperate, broken mom who continues daily to find freedom in her beautiful, soul satisfying Redeemer and who wants you to find that freedom too. So may I?
In all the times that I have found myself in a funk it has come from an obvious source; me forgetting that God is as good as He says He is. I have spun my wheels by trying hard to gain an acceptance that Jesus Christ has already earned for me. I convince myself that there is something more that I must do even though Christ is calling out for me to rest.
I fall into the trap of thinking that "IT IS FINISHED" was only about the end to Christ's suffering on the cross and not about the work that was completed on my behalf. So I toil and I worry about whether I'm doing enough to be called His beautiful daughter.
The reality is that continually thinking that I must do more and be better only produces two reactions in my heart. Either I fail at the work that I am trying so hard to produce and fall into despair or I triumphantly succeed and fall into pride. The pendulum of works swings wildly back and forth in my heart.
It's only when I look to the cross that the pendulum stops, showing me how Christ's incarnation, sinless life, death and resurrection were so carefully executed on my behalf so that God in all of His blinding holiness could turn His face towards me. It's when I see the beauty of being hidden in the Cleft of the rock as protection, rest and comfort that I stop fretting. I am His.
This life that you are in, dear friend, is not your life. If Christ is your redeemer then your life is in Him. It is not what you do that makes you His beautiful daughter with whom He is well pleased. It is the fact that your life is Christ's life; Christ's life is your life (Col. 3:3-4). You have died and are now one with Him and that cannot be revoked. He is your new life. He is with you in your funk. He is praying for you, loving you and is continually presenting you spotless and righteous before His Father.
Please stop believing the lies that others are telling you that you must work your way into His presence. Stop believing that you must work to keep your status. Stop believing that the work you do today; wiping faces, bottoms, and floors must be done perfectly to keep His love. Dare to believe right now that nothing that you do today whether good or bad, or the attitude you have today, joyful or resentful, will change the way the Father loves you. Rejoice in His outrageous grace!
And with only having said an ounce of what I think you should hear I pray that your hearts would be comforted by the gospel. Go now...rest in His finished work and believe that God really is as good as He says He is.
A mom that cares