“What about Christians and divorce?”

Steve Brown:
What about Christians and divorce? The answer to that and other questions on Key Life.

Matthew Porter:
Welcome to Key Life, our host and teacher is Steve Brown. He’s no guru, but he does have honest answers to honest questions about the Bible. God’s grace changes everything, how we love, work, live, lead, marry, parent, evangelize, purchase and worship. So, here’s Steve and Pete Alwinson from ForgeBibleStudy.com with street-smart Bible teaching for real life.

Steve Brown:
Thank you Matthew. Hi Pete.

Pete Alwinson:
Hey man. How are ya’?

Steve Brown:
I’m doing really good.

Pete Alwinson:
Good, good. You look good.

Steve Brown:
I do good on Fridays, cause you know, I don’t have to preach on Sundays.

Pete Alwinson:
Well, you are preaching coming up here soon.

Steve Brown:
Yeah, well that’s true.

Pete Alwinson:
But, not every Sunday.

Steve Brown:
Oh man.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah.

Steve Brown:
That is an awful thing. I did it twice every week for a hundred years. And when I get to heaven and God asks, why should I allow you into my kingdom? The old EE evangelism question.

Pete Alwinson:
Yes.

Steve Brown:
I’m going to say Jesus died for me. And I preached two fresh sermons every week for years. And he’ll say, yeah, but they were bad.

Pete Alwinson:
He’ll say son. Good to see you, man. Good to see you.

Steve Brown:
Hey guys, that’s Pete Alwinson, and for 25 years, he’s been sitting in that chair and we’ve been answering questions. And we do that because we genuinely like each other and it’s nice to have somebody else to share the guilt. When I get letters, questioning something that we’ve said, I blame Pete, when Pete gets letters and questioning something that we said, he blames me. And it’s a plan that works. By the way, go to ForgeTruth.com. That’s the website for Forge Ministry, which is a men’s ministry, which is changing lives in incredible ways. And you ought to be familiar with it. If you’re a guy, you go to change your life. If you’re not a guy you’ll like it, but go to your husband or your sons and say, I’ve got something that you need to check out. And if you don’t, you’ll get the hives. And when they go, they’ll be glad that you recommended it. By the way we love to get your questions. You can call 1-800-KEY-LIFE, 24 seven, hit the right button and record your question. And we often put your voice on the air, or you can write to

Key Life Network
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Key Life Canada
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Or you can e-mail your question to [email protected]. And if you can help us financially, please do. You can charge it on your credit card. You can even do it on your phone by texting Key Life at 28950 and follow the instructions. And then if you do, we promise we’ll use your gift for those who can’t afford to send a gift or haven’t felt led to do so. This is an expensive ministry. The bills are paid up to this point. Because of some people who’ve been very, very faithful in their giving. If you can’t, we understand, say a prayer for the ministry. Pete lead us in prayer and we’ll get to these questions.

Pete Alwinson:
Alright, sounds good. Father, God, we come to you now on this Friday and we just thank you that you’ve been large and in charge all week long, that even though we face so many different things at work and at home and in the world, bombarding us. We do stop now, we recognize Father, Son and Holy Spirit, you are sovereign and all knowing, all powerful you are loving and you’re merciful to us, to your people. Your plan is in process and will be accomplished. Lord, we bring to you our needs and we have so many of them. And we come to you asking for you to meet us. Thank you for those who are listening, now. We pray that you would meet them right now, where they are and encourage them by the power of your Spirit. Be with our pastors, priests, teachers, leaders at all those getting ready for Sunday. We ask for the weekend services, Lord Jesus, that you would be honored and praised. And we lift up this time of Q&A now, committing it to you in your holy name. Amen.

Steve Brown:
Amen. Pete, let’s go to our phone lines.

Caller 1:
Since my divorce, which has been eight years, which I have now come to realize what a mistake that was and what a sin. But what I’m really confused about is if there is a reason for divorce. And also if you are divorced, are you allowed to remarry or is it a sin? And also if your ex has remarried, are you still supposed to stay single until heaven forbid he passes away, because in God’s eyes, you’re still committed to that person.

Steve Brown:
Good question. And I, and an existential question and a hard question. Ruth Graham said she didn’t believe in divorce, but she did believe in murder.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah. Right.

Steve Brown:
So, the person who asked this question could pray that her husband die or her ex dies, and then she’ll be free of the legalists.

Pete Alwinson:
I mean.

Steve Brown:
No.

Pete Alwinson:
I know, I know.

Steve Brown:
I shouldn’t have said it. I repent. Ok.

Pete Alwinson:
No, that’s I mean, that’s, you get you get the pass, Steve.

Steve Brown:
When you’re old, people just ignore you. You know, Deuteronomy 24 is an interesting passage.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah.

Steve Brown:
And it presupposes remarriage, by the way. And, you’ve got to take that into account. You can’t say the New Testament is relevant and the Old Testament isn’t. That’s not true. It’s God’s word throughout. And when Jesus refers to that in Matthew and in another of the gospels, he says for your hardness of heart, Moses allowed divorce.

Pete Alwinson:
Right.

Steve Brown:
Well, for the sake of society, that murder doesn’t take place. There is a safety valve, but God says I hate divorce. So I, and I’ve told you before, you know, and I’ve probably, you’ve probably did the same thing. You know, when you were preaching and teaching on this in the church, I would, half the people were divorced, you know, in our culture, it’s so rampant, it’s scary. And it’s hurt a lot, where you can see why God hates divorce. But I would say to the people, look, I’m going to talk to those of you who are married. And I don’t care if you’re thinking about divorce, I want you to listen to me. You’re, you’re going to get the fever and die. God is clear about that. And then I told the others, when I finish this, I’m going to say something to you and then I’d do about a 20 minute sermon on, don’t you dare. That I was going to write a book on marriage and it’s going to have one message. Don’t leave. And, once I finished that, then I stopped and I said, I know the pain that you’re feeling, and it’s hard. God always start where you are. And I personally believe. A lot don’t, that remarriage is permissible, especially in her case. She’s obviously repentant.

Pete Alwinson:
Right. Right.

Steve Brown:
She’s obviously aware of the sin of it. She’s obviously gone eight years without doing it. So I, if I were a pastor and she brought somebody in, I’d do the wedding.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah. I agree with you. And I like how you approached that. I think that the Deuteronomy 24 passage, says you can’t go back. And so, therefore there’s no way to wait, no reason to wait.

Steve Brown:
Their pastors should say you got to go back you’re still married to him.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah. And that’s just, I think short-sighted and not clearly Biblical.
And then I would say to her, you have to understand that God has forgiven you too. And thank you for saying so blatantly, I was wrong. I really didn’t have Biblical grounds and I shouldn’t have done it, but I did it. And, so I really admire that and I appreciate it, too few people say that.

Steve Brown:
Yeah.

Pete Alwinson:
And so, you know, it’s not the unpardonable sin, it can be forgiven and we have to move on. Having said that, I do want to add to what you said, and that is to always keep the kids in consideration, because most people say kids are resilient, they’ll overcome it, no big deal. Parents are never more selfish in their entire life then when they’re going through a divorce.

Steve Brown:
I agree.

Pete Alwinson:
The kids are always going to be hurt and they’re going to suffer far more than you know, you’re just hurting so much yourself, that you’re, it’s almost impossible for you to think about your kids.

Steve Brown:
That’s right.

Pete Alwinson:
So, go slow, and when you’re having marital difficulty, get a lot of counsel, work very hard and there are a couple of Biblical reasons, abandonment of the believer by the unbeliever. And infidelity, one to the other. It’s not demanded, but it’s permitted.

Steve Brown:
Yeah. And that ought to be a decision made by leadership.

Pete Alwinson:
Yes.

Steve Brown:
I think, Jay Adams in his book, Marriage, Remarriage and Divorce makes this a church matter.

Pete Alwinson:
See, it really is, if you’re married in Christ, under their auspices of the Lord. You want to consider that? And most Christians don’t, that’s the problem. They, just go ahead and do their thing and they sort of say, Hey, I got a divorce. Oh really? And they don’t bring the spiritual leadership into the mix.

Steve Brown:
You know, something just occurred to me as you and I were talking about that, is how practical is.

Pete Alwinson:
Yeah.

Steve Brown:
You know, we have this idea that he just decides on a bunch of sins, that everything we like is a sin and everything we don’t like. That’s not what God has done. He said, this is the best way to live. Divorce, I don’t just hate divorce. I hate what divorce does to people. And the reason I say don’t do it, is because people get hurt.

Pete Alwinson:
That’s right.

Steve Brown:
And it’s awful what happens.

Pete Alwinson:
And to prove that, the statistics on the second divorce are that more people will divorce a second time. And then if you divorce a second time, the divorces increase the third time. And so, that proves your point, statistically.

Steve Brown:
It really does.

Pete Alwinson:
God is not trying to mess up our lives. What key life teaches about grace renewing us and being brought into marriage, is so important.

Steve Brown:
That’s right. And, the practical side of God is Deuteronomy 24 too. You know, I’m amazed that God would put that down, but he does because he knows how needy we are and how messed up and things. So, dear you’re forgiven. You really are. And, when I say you’re forgiven, I mean really forgiven. I mean, that’s as if it didn’t occur. So, I’m not saying go out and get married, but if the right man comes along and your pastor won’t do it, give me a call. Alright, we get this all the time. And, and they don’t listen. Nobody listens to me and I, it really is hurtful and I’m a sensitive guy.

Pete Alwinson:
I see it on your face, Steve. I do, I see it on your face.

Steve Brown:
Well, no, we’re running out of time.

Pete Alwinson:
Well, what’s the question?

Steve Brown:
You know what the question was? Or maybe we’ll do it, the next question and answer. How can I understand and explain the Trinity?

Pete Alwinson:
Oh, give examples. Right. Okay. Yeah, no, in the Bible real quick is how I look at it. I’m teaching Genesis right now. There are three persons in the Bible who are given divine names, divine actions, receive divine worship, do supernatural miracles in the Bible and Christians had to come to that conclusion.

Steve Brown:
Yeah. And it’s a glorious doctrine. It is one of the reasons I’m glad I’m not Muslim. You know, they bring that up all the time, that we worship three Gods and they don’t.

Pete Alwinson:
We don’t.

Steve Brown:
But we also worship a God who’s in relationship within himself, which means something really cool about God. We’ve got to go. But first I must say, Key Life is a listener supported production of Key Life Network.